Inside a Poet’s Mind: Too Sacred to Write About

Up to a few weeks ago, I used to say that whoever enters into my life must accept that I am a writer and will express myself in writing. That means I would write whatever I have to, no matter what is said about them. But with time and new experiences, beliefs change.

I’ve been seeing this guy for a month now, and it’s been quite great. And I like him so much, that what we have feels sacred. He is special to me, and I don’t want to do anything to fuck it up. That include being hesitant from writing about him, about us, because there is a lingering feeling of ‘wrongness’ to write about something so sacred.

The second of the ten commandments in the Catholic religion is “Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain,” and that’s how I feel about this guy. I shouldn’t be revealing this thing I have with him to the world. I want to keep him to myself, and to not expose him to the world in the intimate way poetry does, because, he is the most intimate part of my life.

I never really felt like this with anyone before. Perhaps I don’t want any of my words to affect what we have now or in the future. But this blog post, as anonymous and secretive as it is, is my first step to writing about him in public, and I acknowledge that he could be reading this. And I know in the future, I’ll succumb to writing more deeply about him, and all the things he makes me feel. For now, he’ll be my secret to cherish.

Spoken Word #06: Thinking of You

Audio: Thinking of You

Listen to the reading of the poem “Thinking of You.”

Carve a slit
between my pecs,
            rip my chest apart
                        and watch my heart 
                        drop onto your feet.

Excerpt from “Thinking of You”

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Thinking of You

Pluck my hair
                        as if it were wild weeds
                        overgrown on my scalp.

Carve a slit
between my pecs,
            rip my chest apart
                        and watch my heart
                        drop onto your feet.

Play with it
            like a football,
                        kick it around
                        until it’s bruised
                        & bloodless.

Shove acid
            down my throat,
                        watch my mouth foam
                        & my body convulse.

These are the only ways
I’ll stop thinking of you.

A list of my featured works is found in Publications, including my full-length collection, Welcome to the Sombre Days (2018).

First published by Royal Rose Magazine.

Royal Rose

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